This is one for all you new mums and mums-to-be - believe me, I know it's hard, I know it's overwhelming and, above all, I know it's SCARY!
Perhaps that's why Honest Mum has quickly become one of my favourite bloggers - she doesn't beat around the bush, she doesn't gloss over life. She tells it like it is. I'm thrilled that she's agreed to do a guest post on the things she wishes she'd known before becoming a mum.
So, here it is...a guest post from filmmaker and mum, Vicki - aka Honest Mum.
Sam x
"Being nearly 6 months pregnant with my second child has made me reflect on the birth of Oliver, my first born and what I've learnt and would do differently this time. Of course, I realise I might be in for a sterling shock juggling two little boys (a 2 year old and a newborn) but I thought sharing my tips for those ladies expecting their first might help somehow as they prepare for the roller coaster ride of motherhood...
"Being nearly 6 months pregnant with my second child has made me reflect on the birth of Oliver, my first born and what I've learnt and would do differently this time. Of course, I realise I might be in for a sterling shock juggling two little boys (a 2 year old and a newborn) but I thought sharing my tips for those ladies expecting their first might help somehow as they prepare for the roller coaster ride of motherhood...
1) The media/other women often perpetuate the concept that unconditional love will be immediate and all consuming for everyone the minute you're handed your baby. Yes for some that sudden burst of love will overwhelm you but for many and depending on the birth (and how traumatic it was) you may well feel a real whirlwind of emotion varying from elation to shock, relief and fear. In such a short while, you've gone from pregnant sans 'babe in arms' to a mother-A MAMA- with real responsibility. On being handed my bundle, I immediately, irrevocably related to Miranda in Sex and the City's statement on birth that, “suddenly there was a giraffe in the room." Oh yes, a mini giraffe you'll love and need to look after forever-or at least until he's 31 if it's a boy :)
2) The best advice I was given on motherhood was 'follow your instinct'. Every baby is different and you will know your baby's needs better than anyone else - don't forget that. It's so hard to block out everybody's 'well meaning' advice when you're sleep deprived and your hormones have a life of their own, but nature has prepared you to distinguish between cries to assess your baby's needs and you must always do what feels right for you. You want to co-sleep? Do it. You want to breastfeed? Great. You want to bottle feed? Totally fine. Simply do what you need to do to survive and feel strong as a mother.
3) Don't be scared to ask for help. Those first few months can be tough and no one can prepare you for the beast that is sleep deprivation. It is quite literally torture, so try and eat well (put the Krispy Kremes down - OK, one's not going to hurt) I found sugar gave me huge energy slumps (once the highs went home) so eating balanced meals with plenty of fruit and veg was the way forward- plenty of lean proteins and complex carbs. Most importantly, when friends and family offer time out for you, take it. Grab it with both hands and book a blow dry, manicure or simply YOU time in the park with Red Magazine. This is even more crucial if the baby gets colic (and cries forever) and if he or she does, consider booking a cranial osteopath and pronto (helped us mucho).
4) Don't feel bad if you're a little bored to start with. As much as newborns can be wonderful creatures they can also be boring and draining. I felt a little lost at the start too - I'd suddenly gone from running teams of 100 plus on set directing, to simply Oliver and I and it was quite a shock to the system. Some women are ready to return to work quickly, others decide motherhood is the only way now. Either way is the right way, just don't feel guilty if you don't love every minute or are keen to return back to work sooner than you thought. I felt ready to return when O was 1 but I had friends back on set after several weeks. Again do what's right for you. It's the only way.
5) Connect with friends on Facebook and Twitter to have fun, or to share worries/baby pics (but ideally not bodily functions of your newborn) but primarily to feel connected and part of a community-I wish I'd found twitter sooner!
6) Please try not to pressure yourself on weight loss. I know it's hard and seemed to be the hot topic of conversation when I met with new mums, but just take your time. VB really gives new mothers a bad name, but remember she has a whole team of staff to get her thin quick (lives off edamame beans and frozen grapes) and the pressure must be immense. How sad for her. Sure, some women naturally lose weight quickly and easily (and VB might be one of these lucky few) but for most it takes time. Be kind to yourself. Your womb has worked hard making that bubba. 9 months on, 9 months off. Or a year in my case. Go slow and pat yourself on the back- you created life: you did good girl.
...Motherhood is a wonderful, life changing, often challenging, truly rewarding rights of passage. It has made me a better person, writer/director and wife and I suppose that's why I'm having another..."
Vicki xx
